Let me get you caught up.
Fast-forward on what I've been contemplating have learned from the past few months.
I’ve been wanting to type out these words for a while. I just came back from a walk with a friend; a 1-on-1 hangout, where my best thinking happens. As such, I came home with tons of insights that I didn’t realize have been accumulating below the surface of my day-to-day psyche. It’s about time I write this first newsletter. Let me get you caught up on the wisdom I’ve dug up from my lived experiences over the past few months.
Quote I’ve been pondering:
Optimizing to maximize success is very different from optimizing to minimize risk.
Insight 1: Taking things for granted is my default state.
Does anyone else relate to this? The most prominent example I’ve felt in the last year is how I’ve taken for granted having a job that doesn’t feel like work, where I’m free to be exactly as I am and do things as I wish. Even a seemingly small example, like the shelf I put on my wall not falling off, I feel like I should be taking it for granted cause I suck at doing anything handy and therefore feels like a miracle that it’s just floating on the wall.
These are examples of what seem to be sources of immense joy and gratitude that I am continually missing out on. The question then becomes: how do I not take things for granted so much?
The most reliable solution I’ve come across is Metta meditation (Pali for loving-kindness meditation), which was introduced to me by The Waking Up app (an example of a Metta meditation session here). Of course, I don’t follow my own advice, but outside of this, I’ve tried actively practicing what I’m grateful for, and maybe I’m doing it wrong, cause at this point it feels somewhat contrived.
Another solution I came across in my role at TKS, the startup I’m a part of, was reflecting on how entitled I am to feeling good and having a great life. I didn’t realize how much I subconsciously believe I deserve to have a life that is fun and fulfilling. Who am I to deserve this?
Interestingly, by shedding light on my hidden entitlement, I become aware of what I take for granted, so I’m able to actively practice gratitude and express appreciation for these things.
I’ll share any solutions you share with me in my next newsletter, as I consider this to be the biggest unlock for me and I suspect many others, in an attempt to access a more content and fulfilled state of mind on a more consistent basis.
Insight 2: Self-doubt is overcome by taking action.
Without proof that you’re capable, you have no choice but to believe in self-defeating stories. Taking shots on goal increases the odds of scoring, from zero to greater than zero. As awesome as my current role is, it took me for a ride the past few months, as it uncovered how little I thought I was capable of.
At first, I believed my self-doubt was due to a lack of self-worth. I believe these two are somewhat related but are not fully inversely correlated. Eventually, I realized: I had just started the job, so of course, I didn’t have any proof of being good enough for the gig — I hadn’t had any time to create any data points. The most plausible thing to believe was that I was inadequate for my current role. The counterargument, that I am adequate for my current role, lacked data points.
Action creates data points. Data points create proof.
One of the core principles at TKS is Done > Perfect. Part of the job is to internalize and communicate mindsets like this one to our students so that they absorb them effectively. In the process, I learned the value of putting my head down and doing the thing. My action created the proof I needed to believe I was capable of doing my role well. One little win allowed me to believe I could do the next thing, which led to another win. Within a month, my seemingly insurmountable self-doubt became mostly something of the past.
Insight 3: Working More ≠ Less Energy
For the last half-decade, I’ve been experimenting with maximizing hourly wage in order to minimize total hours worked. A core assumption that was driving my behaviour was that working more than the standard forty-hour workweek would lead to an imbalanced life, eventually causing things like chronic fatigue and not enough time for other fulfilling aspects of life.
I like to experiment, so I figured, at the very least, I will learn, among other things, whether this belief of “working less leads to a happier life” is true or not. Turns out it’s false.
I’ve never had more energy than I do right now. Obviously, it’s impossible to fully isolate variables here, but I’m convinced that being in a super-aligned role, where the mission of the company is clear and the people at the company are fascinating and caring, is so fulfilling that it creates more energy than it requires to do the job every day. How’s that for fusion energy?
I absolutely love when a belief I previously held is disproven.
Insight 4: I’m ready to be a dad.
My partner wishes this insight came sooner, but I know I can't fake it if I want to be a good parent. Happily, somehow, I’ve mentally come around to really being ready to have a kid. The main obstacle for the past couple of years was this:
Life before a child is fundamentally different from life after a child. Assuming we have one life, that means that our pre-child life is gone forever as soon as we become a parent. I find that to be wild. I’ve been actively speaking to young and old parents about this, and they all confirm this to be true.
But they also confirm a suspicion I had for some time: being a parent is so awesome that it makes up for anything you may be missing out on now that you have a kid.
So now it’s a matter of living out my pre-child life. I love framing problems like this, where it’s on me to determine what needs to be done, or what is missing, cause it required a level of accountability and honesty that helps me reflect.
Initially, I thought I really needed to go on this trip I’d been dreaming about for quite some time: hiking in the Himalayas in Sikkim, India. But, during another 1-on-1 hang out a few days ago, my friend mentioned how insightful yet challenging a 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat was for him.
If I’m being honest with myself, this 10-day retreat is more important for me to do than that trip I mentioned, in terms of being more ready to have a child. If I’m being more honest, I definitely don’t need to go on that trip.
So, I guess that’s the next checkpoint to reach: partake in a 10-day silent meditation retreat.
Insight 5: Vibe is underrated because we can’t measure it.
Intangibles are inherently immeasurable, yet a lot of success and greatness are attributed to the value of intangibles. I’ve contemplated how our Western Culture is rooted in the scientific method and as result, what cannot be measured is oftentimes ignored.
That seems super wrong. A specific example is the lack of measurement of the effects of isolation on children during the COVID-19 pandemic because it was too complicated and obscure to measure. As result, we did not prioritize the effects on children but instead focused on the tangible effects of our decisions, such as the mortality rate.
Similarly, the vibe in a classroom, in a zoom meeting, or even in a cafe, is impossible to quantify, yet, from my own experience, seems to be significantly responsible for the outcomes of students (or customers) and yet doesn’t get the credit it deserves when we try to create and recreate impactful experiences. Undermining the value of vibe almost seems irresponsible, given how much it seems to account for.
Because it cannot be measured, it therefore cannot be reliably nor easily replicated. Large companies, even small startups that don’t have a strong ability to perceive vibe, don’t focus on vibe cause of how difficult it is to standardize and build a process around it. At TKS, not only have a lot of hires joined based on their perceived vibe, we’re in the business of people, so many of our metrics are based on trying to measure vibe.
It’s interesting to think of how brain-computer interfaces will allow us to begin quantifying the effects of the vibe of a room, like music, lighting, etc. by measuring things like learning retention the way Neiry has done it so far, and this is just the beginning.
Wow, that was a lot easier and a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Subscribe to see a new newsletter drop very shortly.
Msg me ideas or topics you’d like me to explore and I’ll be sure to contemplate them and hopefully include them in future newsletters.
Very genuine, inspiring and well articulated.
Great insights Aatik thanks for sharing!